Week 1 Scared Money Bets: Saquon Barkley Scores Anytime

You know I live for the Scared Money sweats!

I want the unlikely bets. The improbable parlays. The extremely sweaty ATDs with 100/1 odds.

We've had several hits last season, and I'm ready for more!

WELCOME TO THE SCARED MONEY THUNDER DOME, B*TCH.

Scared Money Bets For Week 1

Enter if you dare. But first, familiarize yourself with our creed.

The Scared Money Creed:

May the Odds Never Be In Your Favor: We are absolutely NOT trying to play it safe. The crazier the odds, the better.
Narratives Are EVERYTHING: Betting on something meaningless is an emotionally empty abyss. Instead, we're buying into the incredible outcomes that we want to become our reality. We're fans of the game—THAT is what drives the bet.
No wager is too small: Even the smallest wagers can give you an INCREDIBLE sweat. I don't need to risk my kid's college fund to piss all over the books and come home richer.
Remember our mantra: Scared money don't make money, baby.

Interception Inception +798

Wager: $1.00

Payout: $8.98

If Matthew Stafford, the reigning MVP, can throw an interception and Drake Maye can throw three interceptions in one quarter…

Then these guys can DEFINITELY throw one, too.

4-leg parlay

Deshaun Watson Interceptions Thrown 1+
Cooper Rush Interceptions Thrown 1+
Jacoby Brissett Interceptions Thrown 1+
Geno Smith Interceptions Thrown 1+

Chronically Online Backfields +3130

Wager: $0.25

Payout: $8.07

Is GB really going to rely on MarShawn Lloyd, who has only six carries to his name in 2024?
Can Tyler Allgeier continue to vulture TDs in a different offensive scheme?
Will Bhayshul Tuten and Chuba Hubbard be able to hold off Chris Rodriguez and Jonathon Brooks?

F*ck if I know!

But I'm not scared!

If you've spent any time online at all, you'll know that we've talked about these backfields allll offseason long. So, why not put a little bet on them?

4-leg parlay

Konami Code +19532

Wager: $0.25

Payout: $49.08

What? They're rushing QBs, after all…

Take Willis out of the equation and the other four rushed for 40 TDs combined in 2025.

We just need them to do it all during the same week.

5-leg parlay

Your Favs' Favs +11788

Wager: $0.25

Payout: $29.72

Not to brag or anything, but I run in some pretty tight circles. I know who your favorite analysts' favorite players are. Like I said, not to brag. (It's no secret. They talk about them all the time.)

Even though no one has gone on the record to vouch for these TDs in Week 1, I'm taking the liberty of building a parlay they'd love to root for anyway.

Here are your favorites' favorites.

5-leg parlay

Oldies But Goodies +3895

Wager: $0.50

Payout: $19.97

I steered clear of the young bucks.

Are you proud?

4-leg parlay

Good Matchup Good Bet +535

Wager: $2.50

Payout: $15.87

This is my biggest, phattest wager of the week. Because the matchups are just that good.

Saquon Barkley should rush all over Washington, like he always does. Pittsburgh and Jacksonville should win based off of QB play alone. And Cooper Rush… Well… Sorry, buddy.

5-leg parlay

JAX Jaguars Moneyline
PIT Steelers Moneyline
Cooper Rush Interceptions Thrown 1+
Saquon Barkley ATD
Saquon Barkley Rushing Yards 80+

If you have any Scared Money Bets of your own, let me know. Drop your slips in the replies and let's see who is brave enough to take on the fiery gauntlet of +five-digit odds and who's just window shopping …